You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
