its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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