if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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