Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize