I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
