Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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