I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
