OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
