I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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