How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
