This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
