I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize