we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
