And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
