yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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