half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
