Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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