Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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