when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
