Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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