I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
