I accidentally had phone sex last night
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
