please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize