He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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