Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
