I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
