Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
