omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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