My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
