why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
