I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
