I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
