I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
