my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
