In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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