time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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