I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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