your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
