i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
