Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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