I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
