I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
