that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
