We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
