i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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