you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why did my mother make you get naked?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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