I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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