No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
