she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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