Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
