Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
