an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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