the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
