and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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