Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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