I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize