if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is this like a preordered booty call?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize