So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How does it feel to date your dad?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
