i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
