Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
