lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
