i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
