You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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