Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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