Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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