So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
