im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
