Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
