Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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