I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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