ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
