it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
