Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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