Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
