It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
soo... how was my night?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
