I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
True strength comes from lack of pants
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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