Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
