you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize