Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
