Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The uberlube is also flammable
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
