how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
