ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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