How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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